It's Time

It's time to stop berating myself over the people who have gone in the past year, and start celebrating the ones who stayed. It's time to see myself through the eyes of those who love me, and not the users who professed their love to gain something entirely different. It's time to be grateful for who I am, the strong woman who has survived, and not lamenting who I am not and what I am lacking. It's time to give myself a break and love myself with open arms. It's time to be happy again.

Because Of You

It's been a while since we talked now
I still don't have anything to say to you
But if I had a shred of trust left for you I would say
That you took it all with you when you left
I don't trust easily anymore
I don't trust at all
I can't even make friends anymore
I hope you're satisfied with what you've done
You know the truth
I know the truth
And so it shall remain.

Wings

They tried to clip my wings as a child so that I could only ever fly so far.
I went a great many years not knowing that I could fly farther than even I knew.
Then I met you and you patched up my wings so I could see more of the world.
I loved it! It was all I could ever dream of.
But then one day you got that look in your eyes that scared me, an angry rage.
From your back you drew a pair of huge scissors. You broke my wings again.
Now I spend my days remembering all the things I saw and felt when I had wings.
The only difference is, I don't want to fly anymore.
I know what it's like to be grounded.

Where You Are

I guess it's over now
You never had to say it
The coldness of your heart created an absence in mine
Your indifference cast a shadow over my soul
I tried to dive into a lake of love
But you are the craggy rocks at the bottom that hurt my bare toes
I tried to get away from you
I tried to learn something new
I came back to check on you
But the coldness had suffused you completely
There was nothing for me to do but go
But as I lie here in the dark
I still wonder where you are now

Wondering

I wonder whether you're reading this
And if you are, what you're thinking
How I am too soft
How I should have seen the time limit in us
How I never should have counted on you
You are right in the latter -
I should have known not to believe in you
I ripped apart pieces of myself to build you up
And now the wind whistles through the holes in my heart
Left there for love of you
And you're right -
I should have known after all

Reaching

Still reaching for me

Even though you walked away

Where's the sense in that?

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The Pain Of Rejection

I look for you in all the places I know

In the dark recesses of my mind

Scary dingy places where your darkness overwhelms me

Slimy cold places and I cannot find my way out

I offered you generous bouquets of love and acceptance which you pretend not to see

In pain, you lash out

You hit me first - I dared stand closest - 

Now we share the pain of rejection

I question what in me made you this way

I turn to ask

But I dare not stand that close again

Shame

I was not ashamed

To be your lover at all

Until you said bye

Dance

Said, come dance with me

Didn't know you would spin me 

So much I would fall

Calling

Calling out to you

Still not used to this silence

Waiting for your voice

Fall

What in you made me

Fall for you so blindly yet

Gracefully as air?

So Little

And I miss you

Even though you've given me so little to miss

Between your words of hurt and your threats to leave

I think you walked away a long time ago

I stood alone to watch you leave

Not knowing why I was still standing there

And I love you

I don't know why I did that either

Tanya Mills

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