My Eerie Transformation

I look at pictures of myself even one year ago and I don't recognize that person anymore. My hair is so short, my clothes so butch - what look was I going for? Certainly not that of a guy. That's one thing I have always been sure of - I am a woman through and through. Sitting here now I grab a handful of hair at the back, willing it to grow longer. I lost so much time when my hair could have been long and feminine. But at least I have the choice now to look more feminine. But I draw the line at a daily makeup regimen. Some things aren't worth it even now.

#SORRYNOTSORRY

What Doesn't Kill You

I remember this one time at a lake up north, I must have been at least 5 because it was the summer and my brother was a baby. My mother sat my brother and I on a rock so that she could go for a swim. I remember the rock felt very slimy. Then I slipped under the water.  For what seemed like a long time, I was underwater. Then some stranger saved me and here I am. But now I feel like I need that saving hand again and the kindly stranger is nowhere to be found. My heart has been breaking every day for a couple of years now, and bullies have warned me against discussing it anywhere else. But maybe you, my blog readers, will provide the listening ear I need to keep me from drowning altogether. Something to think about. 

It Feels Good to Be a Clinton

You Have My Whole Heart

Tuesday night. I have the TV blaring in the other room to try and drown out the rhythm of my beating heart. I have no interest in hearing its song, knowing how it has betrayed me in so many ways with you. Every time you would come back I would tell myself that this was the last time. But then you called my name and I could only follow your voice back to the only thing I know. You.

A Crazy Fool

Every day I wait for you, and every day you let me down. I need to have you in my life. I hate those words: "I need". But there they are and they are completely true when it comes to you. I remember the last time we were together, knowing on some level we would part. Don't you miss me at all???

Yesterday

Yesterday I saw a kid who could have played you in a movie about your life. Same hair, same walk, same everything. I don't think I was missing you as badly until that moment. Now all I want to do is tell you I was wrong, that I miss you, please come back. That's why I shouldn't be left alone with my phone right now. The urge to text you is too powerful to resist.