What Doesn't Kill You

I remember this one time at a lake up north, I must have been at least 5 because it was the summer and my brother was a baby. My mother sat my brother and I on a rock so that she could go for a swim. I remember the rock felt very slimy. Then I slipped under the water.  For what seemed like a long time, I was underwater. Then some stranger saved me and here I am. But now I feel like I need that saving hand again and the kindly stranger is nowhere to be found. My heart has been breaking every day for a couple of years now, and bullies have warned me against discussing it anywhere else. But maybe you, my blog readers, will provide the listening ear I need to keep me from drowning altogether. Something to think about. 

It Feels Good to Be a Clinton

You Have My Whole Heart

Tuesday night. I have the TV blaring in the other room to try and drown out the rhythm of my beating heart. I have no interest in hearing its song, knowing how it has betrayed me in so many ways with you. Every time you would come back I would tell myself that this was the last time. But then you called my name and I could only follow your voice back to the only thing I know. You.

A Crazy Fool

Every day I wait for you, and every day you let me down. I need to have you in my life. I hate those words: "I need". But there they are and they are completely true when it comes to you. I remember the last time we were together, knowing on some level we would part. Don't you miss me at all???

Yesterday

Yesterday I saw a kid who could have played you in a movie about your life. Same hair, same walk, same everything. I don't think I was missing you as badly until that moment. Now all I want to do is tell you I was wrong, that I miss you, please come back. That's why I shouldn't be left alone with my phone right now. The urge to text you is too powerful to resist.

This Is How It Hurts

This is how it hurts
You wouldn't make it work
We crashed into each other
In moments and in spurts

This is how it went
We talked and then we didn't
I fell in love with you
And you fell out of touch

This is how I cry
When I remember your goodbyes
Nothing like our love
Full of hatred and disgust

Today

I think today I may have forgotten to think about you for a few hours. Maybe I am over the worst. Mostly when I think of you I wonder whether you ever think of me. I know you said you loved me. Then you didn't say anything for a while. Then you said you hated me. What should I believe?