THE ACCIDENTAL HIPHOP ARTIST

I came from bad beginnings. I had a horrific childhood and after that I went rocketing into a bad marriage. I have an adult son from that marriage, but I haven't seen or heard from him for roughly three years now. My parents came from other countries, so I did not get the benefit of relatives close by. But why am I telling you this? Where I come from says a lot about the core beliefs I carry with me, much as I may try to abandon that baggage altogether.

It is important to know that I spent over two decades being told that I am "not good enough", yet no advice was offered as to what I could change to become a better person. At times I felt desperate to know what massive flaw was in me that was so horrible that it permeated my interactions with those who were supposed to care about me the most. But this blog post is about something a little different. It is about how I changed all that.

I spent a lot of time despairing over what I believed to be a massive flaw within me. And although I never cared for high school, it was hard for me to leave behind the one thing I was actually good at: being a student. I truly believed that I would never again be recognized as someone who had gifts, someone worthwhile. Then came my entrance into social media and video making, resulting in my first YouTube channel called Geek Wisdom. 

Everything changed for me then. I learned that I did have talent and that people could see good things in me after all. After that everything kind of snowballed for the next several years; I became (not necessarily in this order) a vlogger, a blogger, a poet, a singer, an inspiration - and yes, A hiphop artist.

Producing my own hiphop tracks came very easily to me, and to date I have produced 5 tracks. Think of that - five tracks. Throughout my life I managed to learn that I was good enough and that not trying something I wanted to do was far worse than failing ever could be. So I guess that's my message with this blog post. And if you ever feel your dreams and goals might be silly, just remind yourself of the middle-aged white chick knocking out hiphop tracks. I am not looking to become famous or anything. Healing my self-esteem has been the greatest reward of all.