Sunday, 11 June 2017


Do you enjoy playing Grand Theft Auto V but find yourself wanting to take a break from the crime and violence? Do you just want to sit and have some time to yourself like you would in real life? Do you want to see how it would feel to be lazy on a virtual level? Well, look no further. Here at the Tanya Mills School Of GTA V Gameplay we will show you how to do just that. And you get your first lesson free which begins - oh, maybe now.

In real life you may get hooked on a TV show or two. So why not get hooked as a virtual character in GTA V? My personal recommendation would be Jack Howitzer. He was a movie star in the 80s, went to prison (something involving a baby that may or may not have resembled a chicken) but now he is back and he's ready to be a movie star again. Or a television star. Or anything like he was in the 80s - a tough, macho guy who killed foreigners "just because". And now he has a sock puppet he calls Ho Chi Sock, so that's a huge bonus right there. Obviously, there's not a new episode every week, but the shows on TV in our reality don't usually vary too much from week to week. And Jack has enough charisma to keep things interesting. Especially if you don't have the best short-term memory.

Who wants to get some new clothes? You know you do! So why not hit the shops and try on some new duds? GTA V features an almost-unnecessary variety of jackets, pants, shirts, whatever you need. And you might as well take your time trying stuff on. Especially if you've already watched Jack Howitzer that day. What are you rushing home for??

And why not get tatted up while you are at it? You can essentially cover your entire body in tattoos without the pesky pain or aftercare of a real tattoo. And you have a lot of money, so you may as well go for it. And study that tattoo list carefully. You don't want to make a mistake. 

Look - you've made it back in time for Fame Or Shame, which should have been called Simon Cowell's Gonna Sue Somebody. And how could you get bored of hearing contestant William Angio sing "This Is A Power Ballad"? Or listen to fake Simon Cowell insult fake Ryan Seacrest? Might as well settle in. I hear it's a good episode of Jack Howitzer today.